Today I was at my last day of clinical at Stella Maris, an upscale nursing home out in Timonium. I was sitting at the table with my patient while starting to fill out my clinical evaluation. As I was about to write the date I realized it was my dad’s birthday and all of a sudden I just stopped and everything blurred out for a second. Took me a second to come back to reality and realize what was going on. I finished chatting with my patient about football then I went to the nursing station and had to take a minute to my self. All these old memories started cycling through my head like a movie. One of the memories that clearly stuck out and always does is of me giving my father a hug on Eid and a telling him I'm sorry that I had nothing to give him. But his reply was the most genuine and loving thing saying simply that the hug and love was plenty. Every holiday this memory comes up like a broken record and every holiday or birthday I still have to take a step back and collect my self. I sat there for a couple minutes and just kept my head in my hands and pulled the "I-only-got-4-hours-of-sleep" bull... except I wasn't lying about that [haha]. Throughout these memories I watched a recurring pattern and I remembered what set him apart from any other person. He was the most helpful and caring person I ever encountered- no matter who needed what, he was going to make sure he helped. This however is only half of it - I was oblivious to the degree that he went since he would never talk about it. When he passed away and people came to give their condolences it was as if though they were talking of a different person (not that he was uncaring or unhelpful to us at all). Every person that came said the same thing "You're father did so much for me" or "I never met anyone that was willing to help with anything as much as he was". As I started to come back to reality I realized that this was an obvious message and I remembered why I am in the health care field in the first place. I immediately felt happy and content and went about the rest of the clinical with my father in mind and thought about how much he gained and grew from bringing a smile to people's faces. Even on my way home, passing an elementary school - there was a crosswalk guard standing in the rain... I clearly remember my dad making me wave to the cross guard every morning with a smile just so that he or she may smile.
It’s funny as I’m writing this tears are on the verge of coming out but I’m ridiculously happy.
I'll leave you with a quote that I feel we should all live by.
“Associate with people in such a manner, that they weep for you when you die and long for you if you are alive.” -Imam Ali
Not that I feel that we should base our life on how others feel about us but rather we should base it on treating people with genuine love and respect.
2 comments:
akbar dont underestimate yourself. honestly, youre one of the most helpful people i know. you ALWAYS go above and beyond to do stuff for others in anyway possible.. and not only that but you follow through with it too. like some of things you do absolutely shock me bc i wouldnt even expect anyone to care. im happy you found your "purpose" through your career. i know its going to help you grow a lot.
in regards to your pops, im sure you make him proud.
that definately brought me to tears. i wish I knew your father but a Rumi quote comes to mind similar to that of Hazrat ali: "You are born crying while everyone is laughing. When you are dead make sure you are the one laughing while everyone is crying." I am no one to give you advise, and assuredly i am saying this with embarassment and shame, but keeping aside emotions, death should give us a knowledge of what is Real. I saw this small 7 min abridged documentary of Ramana Maharshi's last days the other day that you should take a look at "the sage of arunachala" and i was are absolutely moved at how nonchalant he is at his approaching death.
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