A couple weeks ago I had a critically ill patient who was battling heart failure, kidney failure, and liver failure. The first day I had him as a patient, we were continually dialyzing his blood in hopes that his kidneys would pick back up and give him a better chance of survival. I had him as a patient again two days later and there was no progress. This back and forth between aggressive treatments had been going on for nearly two weeks and at this point we had exhausted everything that we could do. The only thing that was keeping him alive was the continuous dialysis (it essentially does the work of the kidneys and filters out the blood), if we were to withdraw it he’d pass with in the next few days.
Throughout the course of taking care of him, he was completely awake and oriented, and kept asking to go home. He didn’t want to be in the hospital anymore, he was simply tired. In order to accommodate his wishes we had an end of life meeting with him, his family and the staff taking care of him. The resident was explaining the situation of his disease processes to everyone. While I stood quietly behind her I watched the patient’s niece break down, slowly and quietly, all the while attempting to hide her face. Thinking about my patient dying after taking care of him for just two days really started breaking me down. I felt her pain, I burned up inside. It was the same thing, her pain- my pain. Somehow, I managed to make it out of the room with semi-dry eyes.
As I drove home I thought about what had just happened. I said goodbye to him knowing that I wouldn’t see him again. It wasn’t an “Alright buddy I’ll see you next time”. It was a “I’ll never see you again, enjoy your last few days”. It broke my heart. Even further, it reminded me of what I had been through in a different light.
What really struck me was how I felt her pain. How I remember feeling that same pain when I was dealing with it with my own family members. How did I feel what she felt? Why did she feel what I felt? How did we both feel that?
This thought boiled in my head for while until I realized that regardless of class, color, creed or any other “difference” we all are the same underneath it all. The image that came to mind was a cat-5 cable with it’s encasing filled with numerous copper wires inside. So the question comes up… where is this “wire” going? The same place you’re going, so next time you judge someone, look within.
We’re all the same; we just choose to not accept it.
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