Not so fast, suckah'.

You ever find yourself in a similar situation over and over and over again? Ever wonder why?

(I have no clue why I decided to start off this blog entry like an infomercial, hopefully you found it as comical as I did)

WELL SO HAVE I! As those of you who are close(r) to me know, I had several family members pass away with in a short period of time at one point in my life. At the time I dreaded my life, existence, everything because I wasn’t able to understand it.

With time, as I grew to accept the transitions(not deaths) of my family members I become very comfortable with the idea of “death” as we call it. It didn’t bother me.

But I was still missing something… why did 5 people from my family pass away in one year when I never encountered death before?

After much time had passed for me to self reflect along with the wisdom of a friend I had realized a few things that helped me understand the situation better. When a identical situation is presented to us over and over again we are not learning the lesson(s) that is/are to be learned.

When this string of tests occurred in my life I was a complete people pleaser, drawn to people simply to win their approval. My only thoughts were of this world, although I wouldn’t call my self a “bad” kid by any means – I simply didn’t have my eyes set on growth. Everything was in tune with my ego.

Hindsight is always 20/20 and my case was no exception. I realized that I needed to learn detachment from people. I never thought that loosing one’s father could have been a positive impact on anyone’s life (assuming the father was a positive role model), yet God showed me in a very personal matter that everything is perfect.

I now work in a ER where at any moment someone may be wheeled in dying and I am forced to give all that I can give and be able to detach my self. In fact just the other day there was a patient who I was talking to and just a couple minutes after adjusting him in bed, he had a seizure (with a developing bowel obstruction) and vomited all his gastric contents. Subsequently, all of the contents went into his lungs and was the cause of his passing.

Being able to detach doesn’t mean I’m a cold person; it’s quite the opposite. It is the ability to detach oneself from the ego. It’s rather hard to accomplish when you’re in the midst of someone’s passing, but Alhumdillah, God makes no mistakes.
With that said, I’ve started to see similarities to the year with all of those “calamities” and that made me think. Didn’t I already learn the lesson I needed to? Apparently not…

How humbling is it to think you’ve passed the class with an A + only to have to take it again?

Self reflect, figure out you’re perceived strengths and realize that it will be slipped out from under you in a instant so be grateful for all that you have. After all, it was just a quick few moments that has a death toll of over 100 thousand people in Haiti… what’s to say that it won’t happen to you?

Reflect on what has passed of this world. Has any of it remained for anyone? Has anyone remained in it, be he noble or lowly, rich or poor, friend or enemy? Similarly, what remains of it that does not resemble the past more than water resembles water? The Messenger of Allah said, 'Death is enough of a warning; the intellect is enough of a guide; precaution is enough of a provision; worship is enough of an occupation; Allah is sufficient as an intimate friend; the Qur'an is enough of a clarification.'
And elsewhere, 'Only affliction and trial remain of this world. If a person is saved, it is only by sincerely seeking refuge.' And Noah said, 'I found this world to be like a house with two doors. I entered through one of them and went out through the other.' Such is the state of the one who was saved by Allah: so what is the state of one who feels at ease in this world, relies on it, wastes his life by cultivating it, and is full of worldly demands?
-Imam Jafar Sadiq

Subahn'Allah.

Appreciate what you have but realize that you don’t really have it at all

Why so serious?

The day I had this patient, I knew I needed to share this story. One thing or another just continued to come up and for some reason I end up sharing it now.. I had my first day of clinical on the psychiatric ward about 2 months ago. My patient was 25 years old and had lived in a crack house all of his life, both parents were dependent on alcohol and cocaine. I’m surprised it took for him to hit 14 before he began drug use, being in that environment throughout the course of his life. He started out with marijuana and quickly moved up the ladder. By 17 he started selling crack... “I made 700 dollars in about 10 hours...”... within a couple months he was expelled for selling in school. He continued his ways experimenting with drugs through the next 7 years, which leads us to where we are now.

His addiction had taken him to a point that he was no longer making money and was unable to help out by taking care of his son. His girlfriend wasn’t speaking to him and he felt he no longer had a reason to live.

I felt the root cause of his issues stemmed from a lack of love from his family and peers throughout his life. Moving forward with this intuition, I just sat down with him and let him tell me every thing he had to say and release everything off his chest. I then slowly started to work, attempting to make him realize his addiction on a deeper level.

I started out asking him if he believed in God, knowing he’d say yes,(he was wearing a cross) I then asked him if he truly believed that God created everything(also, a yes). Then I asked if God was perfect; yes again!
“So then, if God is perfect and he created you then somewhere inside of you is a divine inner-self right? If you do believe that you put a piece of yourself in everything you create.”
“I guess so.”, he replied.
“Well then, why don’t we derive our happiness from the divine instead of the material? When we look for happiness in material form, we end up chasing one source of happiness to the next... whether it be drugs or diamonds, we’re in a constant state of unrest looking for the next ‘high’.”

He sat back for a moment and realized something he never realized before. He then continued to ask me about my beliefs about God and so on the rest of the day. However the point of this post is not to talk about how I was able to make someone realize the need for self-reflection, but yet to be able to show love to everyone. How often is it that we think “That dumb___ does drugs, what an _______ idiot!”? We must be able to take a step back and realize three things.

1. How can we love God if we can’t love His creation?
2. Malcolm X once said “Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today.” We are all at different stages in our lives, we have gone through a variety of different experiences and so it is important to keep an open mind when dealing with people and their deepest of issues.
3. Lastly, in Sureh Fateha- we say “Maaliki Yawmid-diin” “[God] is the master of the day of judgement”... so who are we to judge?

As the day went on we had a group therapy session and my patient talked about how much he appreciated how the staff treated him. He explained how he never felt people cared for him the way that we were able to. My heart sank a bit and made me realize how blessed I was to have the childhood that I’ve had. No matter where you are in life, don’t forget how much a simple act of kindness can affect someone. It’s the easiest way to give that we often end up over looking. If anything just smile.

"death"

I was watching the film Bab' Aziz and thoroughly enjoyed it... this movie is beautiful I suggest all of you watch it.... you can find it on youtube the first link is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuuWNxAtv84&feature=related

Come be the witness of my death
Why me? Im afraid of death.
Exactly. If the baby in the darkness of the mother’s womb was told: “Outside there’s a world of light, with great mountains, high seas, undulating plains, beautiful gardens in blossom, brooks, sky full of stars and a blazing sun.. and you facing all of these marvels stay enclosed in this darkness...”. The child knowing nothing about these marvels wouldn’t believe any of it. like us, when we’re facing death. That’s why we’re afraid.
But there can’t be light in death because it is the end of everything.
How can death be the ending of something that has no beginning? Hassan, my son, don’t be sad on my wedding night.
Your wedding night?
Yes. My wedding night with eternity.

Brownie points

I’m kinda baked right now... I rushed this project together and had a work meeting today but now I’m sitting here and I had a bit of an epiphany.

I realized that when you do something for someone, whatever it may be you should do it with the intention of pleasing God and not the person that you’re aiding. When you do something with the hopes of pleasing that person you inherently begin to have expectations of that person. Often times, expectations of people are what allow our egos to grow and cause us to become upset. However, when you do with God in mind; you’re only intention is to grow.

I brought this up with Umar and he raised a valid point... to paraphrase, he doesn’t believe in asking for “brownie points” from God. I second this statement to the fullest, I’ve heard on multiple occasions “If you do ______ you get *motions hands as far apart as humanly possible* this much sawab(blessings)”. Hearing this as a child, I would always question people’s intentions at that point. So you’re telling me, that you’re only committing this “good” deed because you want sawab so that you may go to heaven. So basically, you don’t really care about doing good things, you only care about doing what you need to do in order to get what you want; paradise. I think that’s pretty selfish in it’s own right, but anyway; I told Umar that I agreed with him and shared a little verse from one of Outlandish’s songs..

“If I worship you in fear of hell, burn me in it.
And if I worship you in hope of paradise, exclude me from it.
But if I worship you for your own being,
Don't withhold from me your everlasting beauty”


Remember, the final analysis is between you and God, so why not just please Him by taking care of His creation without having expectations. PEACE.

The three gates.

I found this little tid bit and I think it's very important everyone read it:



The Three Gates of Right Speech

"The words of the tongue
should have three gatekeepers."
- ARAB PROVERB

Before words get past the lips, the first gatekeeper asks, "Is this true?" That stops a lot of traffic immediately. But if the words get past the first gatekeeper, there is a second who asks, "Is it kind?" And for those words that qualify here too, the last gatekeeper asks: "Is it necessary?"

With these three on guard, most of us would find very little to say. Here I think it is necessary to make exceptions in the interests of good company and let the third gatekeeper look the other way now and then. After all, a certain amount of pleasant conversation is part of the artistry of living. But the first two gatekeepers should always be on duty.

It is so easy to say something at the expense of another for the purpose of enhancing our own image. But such remarks, irresistible as they may be, serve only to fatten our own egos and agitate others. We should be so fearful of hurting people that even if a clever remark is rushing off our tongue, we can barricade the gate. We should be able to swallow our cleverness rather than hurt someone. Better to say something banal but harmless than to be clever at someone else's expense.


source

Breath, stretch, shake, let it go.

Over the past couple weeks my spiritual growth has been on point and I felt on top of the world... what a set up...

Last week I ran off to NYC cause I felt like it. It was a great time, but that’s besides the point. On my way to pick up my mom from PA (she was at her cousin’s house while I was in NYC), I had a bit of a traumatic experience and I really haven’t been the same since... I was following this slow driving heifer on a single lane road when I decided to pass him (in the dotted area). I didn’t realize that a huge truck going in the opposite direction was a lot closer than it appeared at first... long story short I’m happy I’m in the physical condition that I am (although I do need to go to the gym).

Ever since that moment I’ve been moping around cause I felt inept in the worst way. I almost felt as if though I wasn’t worthy of living after making such a stupid mistake which could have thrown away my life so easily. All of it because of some impatience.

After a good talk with one of my buddies I realized that I that I was doing myself a disfavor beyond belief. “Duh” I’m sure some of you are saying, but it’s very hard to pull yourself out of these situations when you don’t detach yourself and look at the situation from a different perspective. I needed to detach my self from that and let it go but I was so caught up on the fact that I could have died that I forgot to live the present that God gave me. Now this is very ironic because if we go back to the original situation it was exactly the same case then... Anyways, I will be in a class room from 8am to 5 pm tomorrow so I’m gonna hit the sack.

Here is a clip of Ekhart Tolle that I feel is very relevant. He is the author of The Power of Now, if I know you, I probably mentioned this book to you. His voice is creeperiffic but look beyond it. Just don’t do acid.

Be.

Hello kiddos, hope your Ramadan is going well and that you are fasting and not starving, I need to talk about me because I want to stroke my ego. About 3 weeks ago I had noticed that my patients at work had been genuinely pissing me off. To the point where I wanted to straight up slap em’ across the face. Although the some of you may not know me, I assure you, this is completely out of character. I’m not one to become irate but that’s what was intriguing about these situations. They continued to repeat over the course of the next couple weeks and I was eerily aware that it was happening… just that it felt that someone had paralyzed me from acting appropriately. Granted, these patients are not in anyway respectful or remotely show any kindness. Still, I was so shocked that these angry thoughts were so easily streaming into my head.

It was almost as if though being angry with these patients was “cool”. Although these patients are down right nasty from time to time, I pride (for lack of a better word) myself on being able to maintain my cool and not fall into the anger. In retrospect I realized that my pride was taken and thrown right back into my face. Beautiful. We are often presented with situation where we’re supposed to do the “cool” thing, and often times the “cool” never gets us anywhere. Anyone who listens to Lupe knows that.

So I thought and thought and thought and thought some more about what I was doing to allow these ridiculous situations control me. All of this thinking came to no avail. I really had to dig down within and realize that I wasn’t grounded at all to figure out my answer. It was all right there in front of me like the answer key for a test. I needed to reaffirm to my self that I was doing this for God and nothing else. When you confirm this to your self everything becomes much clearer as we realign our selves with God.

After all of this sorted itself out, Ramadan started… and of course I already had a roadblock set up. I had a case of sinusitis and was set to take antibiotics for the first 7 days of Ramadan every 12 hours… Finally after finishing my course of antibiotics I got two fasts in a row… feeling as good as ever. The second day I fasted I was at work… with the same sort of patients, but with God’s grace I didn’t even get phased and was able to give love throughout the day. I’ve noticed that in order to truly appreciate what we are given we should only give a single object, person, or idea our attention at a time. This may sound extremely basic but it’s very true. Your appreciation for your food goes down the drain the moment you pick up that tv remote. Anyways, after these two blissful days of fasting I got sick again. After contemplating on it I realized Allah was forcing me to figure out other ways to grow closer to him by taking away my ability to fast which in itself is beautiful but at the same time stinks cause I love fasting. This situation seems to perfectly fit into my current state as my best friend, who is the only person that spiritually gets me rolled out to Montréal for the semester. So now it’s just me and I’ve decided that I’m going to use this time to focus on my connection with God (so you might not see me as much this semester).

In any case, today as I was on my way home I decided to put my iPod on shuffle and out came one of my favorite songs of all time. So many things about this song struck me right after another to the point where I had goose bumps all over. Being able to be content with what we have is beautiful, however being content spiritually is a disease. Don’t stop growing.

“We got arms but won't reach for the skies
Waiting for the Lord to rise
I look into my daughter's eyes
And realize that I'm gonna learn through her
The Messiah, might even return through her
If I'm gonna do it, I gotta change the world through her”



Lyrics